Life without expectations

We often set ourselves up for disappointment by expecting too much—from people around us, from places we visit, restaurants we dine in, cars we drive, and the things we buy. We go to fancy establishments, spend a lot of money, and anticipate the best experiences of our lives. But if anything falls even slightly short of our high expectations, we’re left feeling unhappy. Even when things meet our expectations, they often feel just “okay.” In a sense, we’re battling against the very standards we’ve set.

Take Hollywood Boulevard, for example. For many Russians, it’s a symbol straight out of the movies—a glimpse into a wonderful, otherworldly life. I’ve heard numerous stories of people visiting the boulevard and not even recognizing it at first. Instead of a golden street, they find an ordinary road with a bunch of worn stars embedded in the pavement. They become really unhappy because reality didn’t match the grand image they had in their minds. Their expectations were completely shattered.

On the other hand, why does street food sometimes taste so delicious? Why do unexpected places we stumble upon leave such a lasting impression? It’s because we had no preconceived notions about them. With our expectation levels at zero, any positive experience feels like a delightful surprise.

People, places, and things often disappoint us when we project our expectations onto them. By doing so, we fail to accept them as they truly are. We hang our hopes on them, seeking validation for our own ideas. But the truth is, no one and nothing owes us anything. They’re simply people, places, and things. The higher our expectations, the harder it becomes to find satisfaction.

However, when we let go of expectations and accept everything as it is, it’s much easier to find joy. When I visited New Zealand for the first time, I expected nothing—truly nothing. My main purpose was to see my daughter; exploring the country was a secondary goal. I’d seen some pictures, but they reminded me of the landscapes in Washington State. Yet when I arrived in New Zealand, I was utterly amazed by its beauty. Even now, after visiting numerous countries on a trip around the world, New Zealand remains my favorite place.

Contrast that with a friend of mine who recently visited Japan. She came back quite disappointed. She went to Japan and felt let down—can you imagine that? Her high, stereotypical expectations prevented her from appreciating the country for what it truly is.

In Russia, the phrase “I expect nothing” often carries a negative connotation, implying that one shouldn’t anticipate anything good. This mindset can be a trap. Having no expectations doesn’t mean you resign yourself to negativity; it means you don’t impose your internal notions on external realities.

By seeing things as they are, accepting people for who they are, and enjoying places in their true form, you unlock the real key to happiness. When you start living without expectations in a positive way, you stop experiencing regret and disappointment. Those feelings become almost foreign. Recently, someone asked me about my regrets, and honestly, I struggled to recall what that even meant. I genuinely believe you can achieve this state too. Just start living without expectations!